godmuva:

Why people ask me shit like “how was work?” or “how is school?” like work is work, school is school, I would rather be on a yacht right now while gettin some dick but here I am

reclouded:

*

assiest:

sex-doesnt-alarm-me:

assiest:

i am 41 cheetos tall 

Why did you think you needed to measure yourself in Cheetos?

we were out of doritos 

the-dragons-thoughts:

Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re its mom. Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel. And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees cause its a hoarder. And your house is eventually full of coins. And you are rich. And have a dragon.

officialunitedstates:

officialmexico:

texas

no you can’t have it back stop asking

kimkanyekimye:

5 YEARS ago today, September 13, 2009

timothydrakes:

Why Did I Do That?: A novel by me, with special guest appearances by several alcoholic beverages